The Spirit

Oh the Places You Cannot Go

Caroline Molloy, Writer

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Congratulations! Today there is no snow day!
You’re here bright and early on a Monday.
The bell tolls for activity period. Yay!
But, where can one go on such a busy school day?
The library is packed five minutes in,
so, is Biegel, McLaughlin, and even the gym.
Tully, you wouldn’t dare to go there,
it’s full of flappy golf experts and girls with a Buzzfeed quiz flair.
So where can one go in a school so full?

All photos courtesy of Luke Hales

I’m sure many a student can relate to the age old dilemma of having no place to go during free. Technically there are places to go…the bathroom benches, staircases to the ceiling, and so many more. As of late there has been a crackdown on places you cannot go. Why? A lack of supervision. This is valid and crucial to creating a safe school environment. It is, however, extremely entertaining to speculate on why these empty spaces are off limits.

 

The couches opposite the front desk were most likely, intended for general use but over time Ignatius has had some high profile guests and it is probably not the best first impression to walk in and see eight loud students putting together a Mickey Mouse puzzle.

The third floor staircases that lead to the ceiling are one of Ignatius’ strangest quirks. There are only two possible reasons for the existence of this staircase, either the administration of the early 1900’s thought the third floor looked more aesthetically pleasing with the staircases to nowhere or they sealed up the fourth floor to create a portal to the American Hogwarts. Ignatius already looks like Hogwarts, it makes sense.

The garden outside the art room is a hidden gem most students will never actually be lucky enough to see. I assume you have to be a really important alum to visit the garden like John Mulaney or the actor who plays Papa Elf, Bob Newhart “.

The Seating area next to the Brunswick room is one of the coziest places in the school, despite having the worlds stiffest couches. This area looks like the set to a horrible daytime talk show starring a woman from Portland with a shrill voice.

Out of all these places access to the fifth floor is the most elusive. Seriously what goes on up there? I have theory that the lost colony of Roanoke is on the fifth floor in Cryogenic chambers like Walt Disney. I guess the SICP student body will never truly know the purpose for the restrictions surrounding these Ignatius hotspots.

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Oh the Places You Cannot Go